can’t think straight, can write can’t think of anything to say – I am stuck at home, can’t drive, or walk, or eat much that doesn’t taste of vinegar can’t do much at all really so I think I will moan. First my hearts beating like a teenager who wants to party that has been grounded for the week. Second I am starving because of the steroids, well not really starving just greedy, but everything tastes vile. Third I am dizzy so that every time I stand up I feel urgently in need of a sit down. Forth I am sweaty and gross. Fifth I am plain pissed off. Grump, grump, grump. Actually this course of steroids has not been a joy like the first lot 2 years ago. The first lot gave me boundless if misguided and uncontrollable creative energy, which I gather is unusual, this time I am just irritated by everyone and everything that doesn’t complement my gruff mood. Beware any cold callers cos I am very rude today. Even the cats demands for constant troughing is annoying.

Boy I am sick of saying how I am. ILL !!! – stop asking – isn’t it obvious. I don’t need sympathy or consideration or good wishes I just need sherbet dib dabs – strangely they taste goodish. Most of all I am irritated with myself and my lack of get up and go. Can’t seem to focus on the stuff I normally like. Tv comedy drives me mad and the adverts almost push me over the edge. A melancholy Scandy holds my attention for a bit but really my favourite bit of the day is bedtime, thalidomide is like a strong sedative. My least favourite bit is getting up which is preceded by a very complex ritual of tiresome drug taking guided by a spreadsheet Maria created for me and competed with sour tasting porridge or toast. Grump grump grump.

So all in all crap.

So now my official birthday is past (I was slipped an absolutely amazing present by my two sisters – naughty them) I am on to contemplating my August 1 birthday. Given August 1st is a Tuesday we will covene the barbecue and camping in York on 29th July thus my target is to have something memorable playing in the telephone box by then. I have spent the best part of the day on my back imagining what that might be and have come to no clear conclusion. So we will have to wait and see.

I have nothing more to say – Grump!

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