Just as my own creative juices curdle, it seems my boys and my girl are on a roll. To add to my last outpouring of show-off I have just read a superb short piece by George (access to G’s writing is an extremely rare treat) that left me truly, truly gobsmacked. So on the strength of this, plus Arthur’s album and Avani’s news that I cannot talk about, I feel ready to die and pass on the mantle of genius through my genes. Only joking I am not going nowhere until I finish this flaming phone box and direct an opera at La Scala – so see ya for the next millennium bug.

The purpose of this post –

Does anyone know how to catch or deal with a Tom cat? He is really nice looking, quite small but he has very big ginger nuts and an enthusiasm for breaking and entering in order to daub his pungent and expressive pussy paint upon our walls, curtains, carpet and possibly our own timid pet pussies. We have resolved to adopt him and get him sorted on the ginger nut front. Hope he doesn’t belong to someone as they will be a bit surprised when he comes home nutless.

Trouble is my childhood experience of Tom Cats is they are a troublesome combo of scared shitless and scary. We could trap him by rigging the cat door to lock behind him but that will still involve yours truly impersonating St Francis communing with the savage beast. Or was that Daniel. I imagine the pongy savageness will be terrified to be communed with by a zealous old geezer bearing a cat basket and I am worried that he will hurt himself and me.

So any ideas?