Avani Shah, our son George Newell’s girlfriend, has just heard that she has been accepted onto the highly prestigious MA in Creative Writing (Prose Fiction) at the University of East Anglia. For those of you who don’t know this is the most prestigious course in the world for creative writing with some serious alumni https://www.uea.ac.uk/literature/creative-writing/alumni and it provides exceptional opportunities for emerging writers.

We are very proud for Avani and delighted for them both. Lots of love from Maria and Chris Xxx

Cusp of an election news. Well I have nothing to say about the election so that’s that.

Instead I will admire my world peopled as it is by loveliness. The cherry tree is blooming, the fountain is spurting and the cats are killing – what could be more spring like. Things are very good. My sister Angela has had an epic birthday which was a great occasion. The best bit was the ruby ring in the M&M’s closely followed by my nieces wonderful dog who I got to hold. In fact I ended up with a lead and no dog but failed to notice. My sister Julia has completed an epic bike ride for Amyloidosis – so epic congrats all round.

My children and my girl are doing their things in Norwich and London and Brussels. Maria and I have an empty nest but are so happy that they are happy that the empty nest doesn’t hurt at all. We met Avani’s mum which was a real delight. Meeting mum of son’s girlfriend is, to be frank something to be strongly dreaded as one is acutely aware of the potential to let said son down, but in this case all was well in seconds – so future meetings will be a breeze.

Poldark sort of gripped me. I can’t say I fancied the lead and I found his wife a much more interesting character and more interesting portrayal, he says pompously. The reaction to the lead actor (forgotten his name – Aidan something)

has been unashamedly sexist in so far as much of the commentary from women has been on his ‘pecs,’ – I feel licensed thus to share my ongoing enthusiasm for Emilia Clarke but will stop short of mentioning her ‘pecs.’

I am untroubled by this dual standard, if indeed it is one, but feel bound to at least to point out that us men whose pecs are somewhat akin to tiny full nappies are just a wee bit intimidated by Aidan’s Sunday night trunk. Still I have season 3 of Game of Thrones to redress the balance, although come to think of it there are a lot of thick trunks in that not to say pecs.

My mind is full of suburbia and shopping. My creativity has dissolved in a puddle of cosy pleasures. Shopping still tops them although I now have my own paypal account which fills up with ebay sales and empties with ebay purchases. Of course I plan to cheat like crazy but the illusion of self sufficiency is comforting and guilt allaying. I had not realised how much I had missed doing manual things. I can now fix a Ronson petrol lighter blindfold and have had some limited successes with alarm clocks – so far three all, repaired to destroyed. Gas lighters. remain a hazardous challenge. The combination of low temperature, high pressure gas and high temperature flame has resulted in a few lucky escapes – the loss of all the hair from one hand and one occasion in which I had to hurl the flaming lighter into the garden John McClean fashion. Sadly it did not explode. I currently have 15 lighters on sale on EBay happily there seem to be plenty of other saddos out there.

My dear friend Paul came to visit – it’s always a real joy particularly as he and Arthur have so much music stuff to discuss. He has stimulated to think again about my audio pieces for artificial voice. I think the main thing I am beginning to realise is that if the sound is to support the voice it must help to tell the story or directly supply the emotional content. Adding another layer of abstraction is tempting but ultimately unhelpful. I am fascinated by this challenge but have to be careful not to confuse a scientific interest in showing how a robotic voice can be improved by introducing a soundscape with an artistic desire to create something affective. I don’t know what the answer is other than to keep doing what I am doing until I figure it. I don’t believe intellectualising will help. Anyway any feedback from others would help they are on www.fleeting.eu

www.fleeting.eu:82/wordpress/jacks/
www.fleeting.eu:82/wordpress/a-mermaid-sketch-for-vent/
www.fleeting.eu:82/wordpress/hear-to-see/

That’s it x

‘Wealth must serve more than the wealthy, prosperity must serve more than the prosperous and good fortune must help more than those who are fortunate.’ – Gordon Brown

Arthur sent me this.

Someone on ‘Thought for the Day’ spoke very intelligently about how we are all so fond of the sound of our own voices these days – particularly via social media, online campaigns, review sites etc. I realized I was certainly guilty of this and particularly guilty of the curse of the white male – ‘let me show you, world, how to fix things,’ consequently I lost interest in my own opinions for a bit and decided over the Easter holiday to go into the garden and fix local, rather than global things.

So with help from various sons, we have cleared the side of the house, built an outside store for Maria’s annoying bags of mud, assembled the most ridiculously complicated barbeque (not very ‘Vorsprung durch technik’ despite its German credentials) installed a new cimenea – actually made by some ‘Fred Dibnar impersonator’ from an old gas bottle –

!Brilliant, recommended! and put up a large anarchist poster to counteract the objectionable tide of blue that has flooded the neighborhood (unfortunately it is black and looks just a touch fascist).

I particularly the juxtaposition of the fountain, the new painted exterior (Dulux weathershield -Tuscan Sun or something) and an offstage Landmann barbeque with this statement of extreme disobedience – good to see I practice what I preach.

I have also fixed two radios, numerous lighters and two clocks – I have broken about as many treasured items en route to these limited successes.

I peaked work-wise after the submission of a vast European funding bid I have a part in – as it is worth half a million quid the university if we get it (it’s led heroically by Edinburgh) I was quite pleased with myself. All credit due to the other partners who are a great lot of individuals from Spain and Portugal – it would be such fun if we got it as it’s about robots that try to voice act.

I had my monthly check at the hospital and my response to the treatment was pronounced excellent. I think this means they will hold fire on doing anything more at all, which is very fine by me. I am now 12 stone 9lbs – blimey!

Re politics – I wont be voting in the next election – so feel free to throw me aside as a relative or friend or just throw me to the wolves of goodie goodies who go on about – ‘all those people who fought and died in order that you should have a vote’. The point about history is that it’s in the past and what was once heroic and intensely meaningful in now as retro and irrelevant as my collection of table lighters and a poodle toilet roll cover I am threatening to buy. By voting for any party, the establishment can claim that the emergent government has the support of the people when in fact they have achieved only obedience from the people who are seduced into thinking they have a say when they don’t – mind you most of us, including me ,only pretend to care anyway.

I am now a confirmed anarchist (after all I have a badge). I have no faith (no faith in anything) in democracy, government, unions, politics, god or any authority of any type (of course I exclude myself, my family and friends and cats and the nurses and doctors who look after me from this list – I have faith in the authority of all of those). The world is absurd. For some lucky ones its is absurdly joyful and a wee bit silly (I am one of those) for many its absurdly cruel. The government of ‘men’ has done nothing to globally rectify this imbalance and never will. Human beings are born to be free (and in my case to shop and pontificate) and that is the only criteria that matters. In the meantime we should individually fight for the rights of the most oppressed and the overthrow of the most oppressive. In our daily lives we should seek to be nice to people. This is a utopian position that takes no account of social necessities, history, practicalities or any the other tiresome obstacles to making outspoken, irrational and marginally mad statements. So be it. As Christopher Hitchens says ‘ The grave will supply plenty of time for silence.’

The sentiments of Christopher Hitchens sent to me by Arthur.

As you may have gathered I am still in a frightful muddle about the whole thing – but delightfully, I don’t care that much- so stuff it all and back to my burrow. Car boot sale tomorrow – hurrahhh!

Love and solidarity xxx – Vote Labour if you must vote at all – you can have my vote.

I have been quite lazy and neglected blogging. Actually I have nothing much to report. Been quite busy with university work and TV Box sets. Oh yes I have become obsessed with Jeff Koons who I have always secretly admired but now openly worship. So much so that I have been seeking to emulate his joyous art by collecting EBay bits that are struck with the same exuberant spirit. So below I present a mix of Koons and my E-Bay purchases- absurdly cheap btw. Enjoy

I have acquired 4 fans of these poems so here is a direct link designed to swell the number to 5 or more.

https://www.fleeting.eu:82/wordpress/

There are 9 poems so far of varying quality and thought.

Beware stream of egotistical consciousness alert ……………

It feels like time for an annual me review. It must be coming up for a year since I was diagnosed, to be honest I cannot remember as I have no interest in dates. I am ashamed to say I still cannot reliably cite my children’s birthdays – Maria is disgusted. Anyway I am certainly much fitter than I was a year ago, my spirits are excellent and the outlook is positive. I am bored with having cancer and would like to move on but resigned to that not being possible ever. I have been very powerfully supported by my wonderful family, near and far. End of review. Bored with that idea.

Much more about me – I feel less mouthy than I did when I first started this blog. Being off steroids may account for that. I keep thinking I am going to get ‘blogged out’ but actually the blog, the poetry, the compositions, the shopping, the new style reading are my way of hanging onto a new kind of me. I much prefer this me to the old, pre-ill me. I am extremely clear about what I want, what I like, what makes me happy. Previously I thought purposeful work was the meaning of life, now purposeless dreaming seems closer to the truth. Like the chap in this picture of my birth place. The fact that the image is not very scenic (the village itself is famously scenic) means I find it extremely resonant of my childhood. It seems dreamily real, if that is not an oxymoron.

Very near where I was born – but this is probably 1900

Having time to read the news, having time and the inclination to read fiction has led me firmly toward a radicalisation of my previous limp self, politics and philosophy. I am much more aggressive about what I think but as fundamentally inactive as I ever was. All that political nonsense I spout on about – It really is all hot air! That’s a shame – I am an ‘inactivist.’

I am newly inspired by nostalgia. Memories of this, that and the other have become distinct and powerful as though they needed time and space to crystallise. I think creatively in sepia tones (great spell correct – septic tones) like the picture above,- conversely George showed me some absolutely amazing pictures by a pioneering Russian photographer Prokudin-Gorsky who invented a colour photography process. The pictures speak for themselves. I cannot describe how ruthlessly they strip away sepia memories and bring the past into the now – effectively the opposite to all my current creative work but incredibly powerful even so.

This girl was photographed in about 1909 – time collapses in this image – it/she is here now

This antithetical force between the then and the now, driven as it has been by my attic discoveries will be one of the lasting gifts of this illness – it’s a bit of me that has been missing and I really value it.

Pigeon lamp. Famous for not exploding.

This is actually an exact replacement for an attic discovery. Its a French ‘Pigeon Lamp’ given to me by my Uncle George when I was about 8. The original leaked so I sold it and replaced it with one that didn’t. Harsh perhaps.

My favourite recent E-Bay purchase – look at the cute face. 4.99

Animals – Hens have appeared in our back field right outside our windows. I adore them.

Outside my study window – no zoom

I have always wanted geese but hens will do. Geese partly because they are so  bad tempered but also such a beautiful shape. I was a student at York university that has loads of geese coz of the the 1960’s open plan, listed, ugly, giant, water features. The geese do not want to be petted at all. I tried many times and dodged many a peck. For some reason the Chinese students are infatuated and more persistent and I have seen many a PhD computer scientist in flight from an angry mummy goose in full hissy fit. Back to the hens Nonna, an expert on such things is concerned about the fox. I am more concerned about our cats eating them, one has already been ‘clipped’ by a greyhound, but happily our two cats seem completely uninterested or possibly frightened. True the cockerel is big and  scary but I find it very curious that the cats don’t chase the hens. Is this some kind of ‘Ardman’ or ‘Babe’ style pact or are country cats naturally respectful of farmyard animals? It feels so rural to have them scratting about just outside the window. I often wander round the back of the house to check for rats and enjoy the company of the hens who are wary but not afraid of me. I am determined to pet them eventually. On the subject of birds I read a story in the news about the habit of jackdaws delivering shiny presents, toys and trinkets they find, to people who have been kind to them. It seems there is quite a lot of anecdotal and recorded evidence. If it’s true I am certainly seeking one out and offering charity in the hope of finding a discarded chewing gum wrapper left on my doorstep. This quasi toy town existence, hens, jackdaws, poodles, cats is not…. Oh I forgot. I have been bought a fountain and it now works. Proper stone, cherubs, the works. It’s brilliantly kitsch. For those of you who have seen ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ – more modest than that – but you get the idea.

Bye for now x

The law is not the law!

A little girl riding a bike with stabilisers on the pavement is reprimanded and told her bike might be confiscated because ‘the law is the law.’ Nothing gets me crosser than this rejoinder ‘the law is the law.’ Apart from the fact that as far as I can see it means nothing it’s the sort of people who are likely to say it, that really get my goat, and that’s not just police officers. The law is a temporary construct designed to control behaviour such that humans fit in with a transitory notion of what is socially acceptable. As such the values it seeks to enforce should be under constant scrutiny. It should never ever be regarded as absolute it should never ever be exercised by anyone who does not have an acute appreciation of subtlety, ambiguity and nuance. Shame on the police officer concerned, let’s hope she/he is sent back to police school to learn common sense. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-31805312

I am so delighted that Avani Shah (George Newell’s girlfriend) has had a short story ‘Mira/Meera’ published in a prestigious collection. The collection entitled ‘Words and Women – Two’ was launched on Sunday. There is a print edition and it is available for Kindle on Amazon.

Print edition:

https://unthankbooks.com/bookshop/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=67

Kindle edition:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Words-Women-Two-Lynne-Bryan-ebook/dp/B00TX8MGC0/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1425897300&sr=1-1&keywords=words+and+women+two